IBAAW

I just looked back on some old blogs, and found this one, from June 7, 2006, which for those of you who keep track of things like dates, was one year ago, yesterday. And here's what I had to say...

Oh. My. God.
I know it's against my customs to post more than one entry a day. Or atleast in a 12 hour period. But I have NEWS. I HAVE BEEN SELECTED AS A PARTICIPANT IN THE 2006-2007 KATIMAVIK PROGRAM!!!!!!!! I am THE most EXCITED girl EVER to GO to CANADA in THE history OF the WORLD!!!!!! I don't have the energy to explain the entire program because I am about to jump out of my skin, but go here: http://www.katimavik.org/ . And it will explain it all.OH MYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyy GOOOOODDDDDDddddddddd. I leave November 22nd.

And here we are. 6 months in. Am I still the most excited girl ever to go to Canada?

Although I hate to admit it... yes, actually. I am so lucky to be doing what I am doing, which is something I haven't really considered in the last while. I know it's not just me, but most of the group- we've just become so blasé about it... probably because it seems so normal now. But if you really take time to think about it, and to reflect about what we've all been through, and the great things we've been able to experience... wow. This program really is something special, something that we should be appreciating, because it WILL be ending soon. I remember when I wrote the entry one year ago, I felt like it was never going to happen. November was ages away. Now November has come and gone, and it felt like nothing. I can't feel it, because I progress with myself, and tend not to notice changes over time, but I know that Katimavik has ultimately transformed me (into, hopefully, a better person) and that I will walk away from this with more wisdom and life experience than most 19 year olds. I mean, how lucky am I to be able to gain all sorts of life knowledge, work experience, independence, and have a blast with 8 of the best people I've ever met, and have been priviledged to live with everyday? I know that living in a house like this can be crazy, but how lucky were we to be brought together like this? How can I possibly believe a computer selected us at random to become this big, odd, blended family? Obviously, the computer was just an instrument of fate!

Wow... this is why it is important to record thoughts... so you can look back on them and remember WHY you're doing what you're doing, and appreciate all your ever changing points of view. I have been in such a funk lately, and all it took to lift me out of it were a few words from my past.

Edit:

Why am I so... mood-swingy lately? I just re-read that, and while I still feel the same way, I would give almost anything to be at home tonight. My eyes are swollen from crying... I was fine all day, pretty excited about everything, feeling great, and all of a sudden I just want everyone to leave me alone, while I cry. Maybe these tears have just been building up, and it took a break from the crappy feelings to get it flowing. I think mainly, I'm homesick. I wish I was at Ickies with my family tonight. I guess I just feel left out, because my whole family is involved in something that I should be involved in. I started at Crescent in 2003, and automatically joined the Drama Society. I got my brother involved when he started school the year after. And now, my brother is so into drama and this crazy world that I love, which is so great, and my dad is making a speech at his last drama thing, and my mom is going, and I'm... I'm at home, snapping my friends' heads off, and wishing they'd disappear. Luckily, most of them did... but one of them is mad at me, since I planned to go out with her originally and then just dropped it, like it meant nothing. I just can't snap this mood though, I NEEDED to cry. So... in short, my family and some of my friends will be having a great time without me tonight, the afterparty is also at my house, and my Katima-family is mad at me. Wow, sounds great, huh? Ughh... screw this, I'm going to bed.

Labels: Journal, Katimavik, La Pocatière