IBAAW

Okay... I don't really feel like writing, actually. Pretty much, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm kind of starting to feel sad about the whole, not-in-Katimavik thing now. Maybe it's because I'm all alone. Mom's back at work, obviously. So, it's just me all day. It hasn't been just me in so long. I miss my group mates probably more than I care to admit, because I'm trying to be strong and independent, and now I'm realising that maybe I'm not. Maybe I need to be surrounded by people all the time. But not just any people- these specific people. My group mates, my family and friends. The difference is that I can see my family and local friends whenever I want. I can't see my Katima-family. I always knew this, but I suppose it never really sunk in, even when I was getting sick on the Montreal airport when we were all split up. I suppose I was just focusing on how great everything would be at home, and I'd forgotten that everyone here has their own lives. Just like how my Katimavik family all have their own lives now. But it wasn't like that before. It was OUR life. We were OUR friends, we had OUR adventures. Now we have our memories, but never again will we live together like that. Like one family unit that shared practically everything.

I spent the last few days working on that movie, and was so involved that it didn't affect me at all. Watching the clips and photos over and over kind of jaded me, I guess. But now, a day later and with the finished project in front of me, it just seems... done. And I'm not ready to let it go yet. But I have to, obviously. I can't live in it forever.

Seriously, I understand now what Fred was talking about when he told us about how people slip into depression after Katimavik. The withdrawal from my friends combined with all this time I have to just sit here and think about it is beginning to drive me crazy. And it's only been two days of alone. I think it's time to be looking for a job, even if I do have a month and a half off still. At least it will give me something to do.

Labels: Journal